Health Links and Resources
New counsellor recommendation
Paul Parnass (see info below) has been recommended to be added here. He does e-counselling as well as traditional counselling and seems to have a real handle on the bullying issues. He's based in the east, but would be great for anyone across Canada who can access the e-counselling services.
Paul Parnass M.S.W. R.S.W. Parnass Counselling Services (office) 905-771-1118 (fax) 905-771-6651
Some thoughts on finding the right counsellor
Being bullied can be an overwhelming and exhausting experience. The personal resources that targets need to rely on to cope - clear thinking, concentration and emotional equilibrium - are often in short supply, due to unrelenting stress. Moving on from the experience can also be a challenge. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find a counsellor who understands bullying and knows how to assist. For bullied targets, effective counselling support is a valuable investment that helps them get back on their feet as soon as possible.
How should a target of bullying go about finding a skilled and appropriate counsellor?
The Importance Of Good Fit:
The common thread that runs through any successful counselling experiences is a positive relationship between counsellor and client. In other words, you like the counsellor, feel that s/he understands you, and that s/he is able to help you in ways that have tangible benefits, such as feeling more in control of your life, able to move on, etc. Aside from personalities that 'click', and evidence of professional training, a good counsellor for bullied targets should have the following qualities:
An appropriate counsellor:
-Understands that you are a victim of abuse and, if necessary, reminds you (over and over again) that bullying is not your fault
-Does not confuse psychological injury with mental illness
-Is familiar with the emotional and physiological symptoms of bullying. Neither minimizes nor misattributes symptoms to other problems
-Is aware that you may be traumatized, screens for that possibility, and is prepared to treat the symptoms
-Knows the difference between bullying and "personal conflict"
-Monitors for substance abuse, sleep deprivation and appetite disturbance
-Concentrates on solutions and moving forward, helping the bullied client to feel more in control
-Teaches healthy coping and stress reduction skills (EG Assertiveness, Meditation)
-Helps client to focus on resilience, strength and hope
-Has some practical knowledge of concrete steps to take and can provide coaching around this.
(EG: What to say/not to say to employers, physicians, insurance companies, co-workers, unions, lawyers, etc.)
-Can write psychological reports/letters identifying the consequences of "psychological injury" to the target
-Has knowledge of community resources (i.e. Support groups)
-Permits client to grieve loss, hurt and injury
-Helps the target build personal strengths that will reduce the possibility of being targeted at future job sites (EG Developing office politics know-how)
-Fits your budget. A certified counsellor with a master's degree will cost around $100 per hour. A registered psychologist costs closer to $150 per hour. There is often little difference in counselling expertise and experience between these two professional groups. However, a psychologist has additional academic training and is licensed to perform specialized psychological assessments.
During initial contact with a prospective counsellor, clients should ask about their experience with bullied targets and get a sense of the counsellor's approach. As the experience of bullying is so disempowering and potentially life destabilizing, targets should look for reassurance that they will get to solutions as quickly as possible.
Doctor in Barrie area - new recommendation from a member
May I please add a doctor to your list in case anyone calls looking for referrals? The wonderful doctor is Dr. Jonathan Douglas, psychologist and trauma specialist. Phone 705-735-4776 (Barrie, Ontario) email is drjdouglas@rogers.com. Wonderful man. I cannot say enough good things about him.
New Calgary area counsellor recommendation
Pat Ferris from a group practice of counsellors in Calgary contacted us and we have since been communicating about a range of ways in which we can co-operate.
Here is what their website says about Pat and her work:
Pat Ferris, MSW, RSW is a Ph.D. candidate in Organizational Psychology and has 25 years experience as a counselling professional focusing on couples and individuals. She has researched, published, and presented internationally on workplace bullying, workplace conflict management, and work stress. Pat provides assessment, coaching, and clinical treatment for those who have experienced stress, bullying, conflict, and harassment at work and consultation, coaching, and training to supervisors, managers, and organizations. Pat is also certified in advanced critical incident management and has developed an oil and gas industry program on peer assistance during critical incidents. She has advanced training in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and clinical hypnosis.
Recommended.
Counsellor Pat Ferris in Calgary
New counsellor recommendation
One of our members suggested that their counsellor contact us and subscribe, and we followed up and are pleased to add Dr. Sam Reimer to our list of recommended therapists. He is based in Kelowna, and has substantial experience and expertise in all the areas which targets of workplace bullying will find helpful and supportive.
New recommendation: Hilary Mackey - A body psychotherapist who does EMD
Writes Karen '...she's in Vancouver (and Seattle) and her number is 604-251-9057. She comes highly recommended, and I checked her out and feel she's very good too. She does body work and counselling with massage as well.
Hilary Mackey - Vancouver BC and Seattle, WA
New! Another recommended therapist
Here is the contact information for another highly recommended Vancouver area therapist. At our last Vancouver meeting we heard of his simple and effective techniques. His techniques include: EMDR and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).
Dr. Lee Pulos, Ph.D., ABPP, Registered Psychologist, Certified Traumatic Stress Counselor, 2nd Floor, 1260 Hornby Street, Vancouver, B.C., V6Z 1W2. Phone: (604) 669-6979
email Dr Lee Pulos in Vancouver
A recommended therapist
Here is the contact information for a highly recommended Vancouver area psychologist. Several of our members have used his services and found he really does appreciate the special situation bullied workers find themselves in; he has also referred clients to our site, so we are happy to return the favour.
Dr. Paul S. James Ltd.Registered Psychologist (Ed.D)
Website of Dr Paul S. James in Vancouver
e-mail Dr Paul James in Vancouver
Or telephone: (604) 873 - 0222
Possible Physical and Emotional symptoms of workplace bullying.
Workplace bullying can cause a whole range of health problems, some manifesting themselves as physical symptoms and others as psychological effects.
If you catch your situation early enough you may well get through the situation without any damage to your health; we would not want anyone to believe that some of the severe health consequences mentioned here are inevitable. Though, as Dr.Gary Namie says, the personality type most likely to be bullied are also those who are likely to 'stay longest and get most damaged'.
What follows is by no means an exhaustive list - just some of the most common symptoms.
Generally the worse you are being bullied and the longer it continues, the more symptoms you will have. The degree to which you experience any or all of these effects also depends on the intensity of the targeting, and your social support structure.
Emotional Symptoms:
- forgetfulness
- intermittently functioning memory
- difficulty in learning new information
- poor concentration
- indecision
- hypersensitivity
- hypervigilance
- hyperawareness
- emotional numbness and lack of enthusiasm of life in general
- sense of isolation
- withdrawal from those you love and trust (self-imposed)
- lack of usual social contact
- sense of confusion and bewilderment
- excessive guilt and/or feelings of shame and embarrassment
- an unusual degree of fear, sometimes for no known reason
- feelings of insecurity and/or desperation
- unexplainable (or explainable but uncontrollable) angry outbursts
- sullenness and high levels of constant frustration
- mood swings, including mania and/or depression
- tearfulness
- irritability
- loss of humour
- obsessiveness
- unusual thoughts, such as a need to count things or "tune out" to control anger fear and shame
- inability to take care of yourself or others in your care
- inability to trust others, especially people at work or new people to your environment
- need to "escape" in activities that help you "veg" out and keep you from having to think
- need for "retail therapy" or "comfort" spending
- flashbacks and replays (sometimes part of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms)
- new phobias
- shattered self-confidence and self-esteem, low self-image, loss of self-worth and self-love
- stress
- anxiety
- panic attacks
- thoughts of suicide
For more on the emotional effects, and PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which can be a consequence of prolonged workplace bullying, please visit this page on the excellent Bully On Line site, created by the late Tim Field:
Tim Field's Bully On Line and PTSD
Physical Symptoms:
- sleeplessness and fatigue (including Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and insomnia)
- sleep disturbances (such as sleeping by day and/or an inability to sleep or waking up at night)
- intense desire to sleep doing routine tasks (such as driving along familiar routes)
- occasional bursts of energy, followed by exhaustion and sometimes pain
- back pain
- unexplainable joint/muscle pain
- chest pains, angina, and/or high blood pressure
- headaches and migraines
- excessive sweating
- palpitations and trembling
- disturbance of balance
- unusual clumsiness (such as an inability to grasp small objects, separate sheets of paper or tendency to drop cups,etc.)
- physical numbness (especially in toes, fingers, and lips)
- hormonal problems (disturbed menstrual cycle, dysmenorrhoea, loss of libido, impotence)
- irritable bowel syndrome
- thyroid problems and/or inability to control body temperature
- skin irritations, rashes and skin disorders (e.g.: athlete's foot, eczema, psoriasis, shingles, internal and external ulcers, etc)
- scratching
- tics
- loss or gain - a change - of appetite
- excessive or abnormal thirst
- development of new allergies
- reduced immunity to infection leading to frequent colds, coughs, flu etc.
- sense imbalances or altering of senses (such as in sight loss, hearing sensitivities, touch, smell, taste and appetite sensitivities)
- eye problems, such as new prescriptions needed "virtually overnight"
- dislike of loud noises and bright lights
- ringing in the ears
- intense dislike of high pitched sounds of fluorescent lights at malls, etc.
- reactive vomiting before, during or after meetings (or at the site of a "triggering" incident, person, place or thing or from just the thought of going to certain locations)
- excessive need to bite or teeth grinding
- increased reliance on drugs such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, sleeping tablets, tranquillisers, antidepressants, etc. to 'help you get through the day'
Coping skills and ways towards creating health for yourself
- Get enough rest to increase your physical and emotional strength. This will reduce the stress and keep the mind clear. Rest is often the first thing to go and the most needed to facilitate the healing. Ask your doctor for help or read up on ways to create 'good sleep hygiene.'
- Eat healthy meals and get enough exercise. This cannot be stressed enough. This will be the second thing to go - and will make the most difference if you keep it up.
- Remind yourself that this is a normal response to an abnormal situation.
- Educate yourself (and family) about normal reactions and feelings around this type of situation.
- Give yourself permission and time to grieve. Time is crucial. It always takes more time than you would imagine to heal - especially if the abuse has been over many years. This didn't happen overnight - you will not heal overnight. You must learn to take extremely good care of yourself.
- Focus on your strengths - do not allow what the bully says to influence how you see yourself. Remember that they are targeting you because they are threatened by you. If you were really that 'weak/useless/uneducated/etc.' they would not be picking on you.
- Join (or develop) a support group. You need others around to help validate your experiences. But make sure it's focussed on healing and positive things you can do to change and deal with the experience, rather than just rehashing old wounds. It's important to tell your story to those who will understand. It's equally important not to get stuck there. Always focus on moving forward instead of getting stuck in anger around the injustice done to you.
- Redefine your priorities. Focus your energy and resources on just those priorities you feel are most important - such as you and your family or time to experience joy.
- Learn to say 'no' to excess projects and work given to you by yourself or others. Focus on healing and resting while going through or recovering from bullying.
- Set small realistic goals to help tackle obstacles. For example, re-establish daily routines for yourself and recognize that it'll take longer to do things for awhile. (An example: With a broken leg - even after the cast comes off, walking is slower for a while as the leg heals and rebuilds strength.)
- Keep up with fun activities and people you enjoy. This will help the healing. Often we resist what we need most - especially in wanting to 'cocoon' and not see anyone or do anything - even a movie - which will pull one out of depression more quickly.
- See lots of positive and humorous videos. Laughter really is the best medicine.
- Acknowledge unresolved issues and use the hurt and pain as a motivator to make the necessary changes to heal.
- Remember that you are not alone.
Some personal experiences of symptoms and relief from them.
A broken thermostat. Sweating on a cold winter's day; shivering in the sun on the beach.
This combines with numb fingers, lips and toes. It comes from the fight or flight mechanism being turned on for months or years. The body is protecting its core. (Women may also experience irregular periods, or a suspension of periods, for the same reason.)
Not a cure but relief from the numb hands is to (perversely) run cold water over the wrists. This encourages blood flow to the area.
These two are in the health section as they certainly are psychological reactions to prolonged stress.
Firstly, clothing (what?). You can find yourself wearing more and more drab coloured clothes. This is a way of being less noticeable. You don't want to do anything to attract attention. Women may also wear looser or more baggy clothes, for the same reason, though in this case, in our society, it is almost a denial of gender and sexual identity.
Secondly, height. I have a picture of myself standing next to my wife during the worst of the bullying and I am clearly 4" or 5" (10 to 12.5cm) shorter than her. In reality I am that much taller than her. My posture was dreadful, my face downcast, shoulders rounded and hips askew.
As above, this is another way of trying to become invisible.
Failing eyesight and bullying
I (Stephen) have had unreasonably good eyesight. I have never needed eyeglasses/ spectacles. That is until the bullying started. In less than a year I needed glasses, and then a stronger prescription.
One cause is the loss of bloodflow mentioned above. Another is the lack of vital sleep. Sleep loss causes poor eyesight; when the sleep deprivation continues for months and years it can contribute to actual damage.
Yet another cause is psychological; not wanting to see. If what you see is frightening and disturbing, the mind does a good job of protecting itself by blurring what the information the eyes receive.
Does anyone have any sources or links for non-medical treatments for failing eyesight?
I believe there was a local (Vancouver, Canada) seminar recently on alternative therapies.
Any help would be most welcome.
Stephen